The tone for my trip to Cancun was set early on; quality time with friends, above average drinking and eating, and, a beach wedding. These are the thoughts that I keep my attention on as my direct flight gets a layover and bad weather leaving Tijuana delays my departure. Normally I don’t crack open beers before 7 a.m but waiting for events outside of my control is one exception. Turns out I wasn’t the only one who’s trip has been delayed and is wiling to drink before sunrise. Thankfully though, I caught the last flight to Cancun from the layover in Monterrey. After a short flight and a quick walk to the humid chaos outside of the airport, I bring relief to the post man waiting for his last passenger. “Avila?” He says to me, as if for the hundredth time today. “Presente” I respond, also beaten down by the exercise of patience today has been. His eyes grow wide and his fists touch the sky. “We’ve been waiting for you, Zadquiel” as if brought back to life, he checks-off the last name on his list. The resort greets me with a warm lavender infused towel and a glass of champagne. I wet my face with the towel then unbutton my shirt and do the same with my armpits. The champagne was gone before the bags made it out of the truck. “Bienvenido Señor, enjoy your stay” they say. Don’t mind if I do.
The next day, acquiesced by last night, I recognize a couple from the bar over by the pool area. I approach the two sisters and engage in a conversation that quickly went from small talk to real talk. “I just like got to the point where I couldn’t give; I had nothing left, I gave him everything”. Rebecca is telling me and her older sister Victoria about her recent break-up. “He would literally be like oh is that what you’re going to wear, or, oh you look so ugly in that then call me a slut when guys would talk to me. My father doesn’t even talk to me like that.” Victoria chimes in, “Ah such an angel our father is!” Rebecca nods in agreement. Around us, a silent bingo is being arranged by the entertainment crew but our focus persists on the conversation at hand. “He would message me late at night saying how he wants to see me and how he misses me. I’d be like not tonight, gotta get up early for work. And I work at my dads company but still I work hard. But even knowing I had to work early he’d show up, late at night, getting mad cause I wouldn’t hang out with him. It’s not my fault you sit on your ass all day while your daddy does everything for you. I literally couldn’t even have guy friends, just me sitting here talking with you would’ve set him off”. Victoria, recollecting on her feelings during this time period says “I pressed for her to break up with him for so long. For a while it felt like I had lost my baby sister.”
The three of us sit in between a bar and a pool under a hot sun glazed with a cool breeze. Reflecting on my own toxic behaviors, I take a plunge and explore my depth with these strangers. “Coming from a male perspective, emotions are unspoken of”. Their attention allow me to continue. “I used to think I had anger issues but fear is what I really feel. When I’m in relationships, I feel afraid that I won’t be wanted anymore and the person that I’ve invested myself in will leave, suddenly and without notice. It all started with my dad and then with girls. I was always afraid as a kid, I’d often go to sleep wondering if I’d see my mom in the morning or if somebody gunned her down while she was out partying with her friends. Other nights I’d be afraid that some psycho would break into the house and stab me in my sleep with nobody to protect me. At some point I got tired of being afraid and sad and started to take action but, that action would come from an angry place. Now it’s at the point where I can’t trust my thoughts and the best and hardest thing for me to do is to do nothing.” Closing the pandoras box, “I suspect something similar is what your guy was going through Rebecca.” Victoria, unfazed by my breakthrough “It’s funny how all those things that we get as kids stay with us as we get older. ” Victoria’s phone begins to ring, embarrassed by the timing, excuses herself and answers, “Bueno?!” Rebecca without skipping a beat, “At one point I just decided it was over. I sent him a voice note saying it was over and that there’s nothing left here. It was hard because we’ve been friends since we were kids. But we’re this tiny thing that’s living on a rock that’s hurling around a giant fireball surrounded by tons of other small rocks and suns, all dancing about in perfect tune. It’s not that big of a deal man. I thank God that I live another day and that’s what matters.” What a stoic attitude from the old soul in the body of this nineteen year-old. Victoria returns with tequila shots, throwing in her two cents, “We just gotta let all that shit go, let it go and make room for something new! A toast to letting all the shit go!” The three of us make some noise, clink our glass, turn it upside down and revel in gratitude. “Do you remember us dancing last night?” I ask Victoria. She puts her hands to her face, looking up to the sky. “I literally had to tell her what happened last night” says the younger sister. “My shirt is still drying from all the sweat girl!” The two sisters laugh. “Speaking of sweating, how about we go in the pool now?”
